Here it goes again...

So...it's been more than a month since I've been on here? That seems unreal. Time keeps passing in weird increments. Like each day feels jam packed and painstakingly slow, but one day I wake up and it's the weekend already. And thus the end of student teaching, graduation, and my wedding are that much closer. It's weird. Everything for student teaching is due in a month, graduation is like 2 weeks after that, and I'm getting married in 3 months. Goodness.
Well, since I've been neglectful let me record some of my favorite memories so far:
1) Solo week- This was a great  experience. I taught "A Modest Proposal" and created an essay prompt centered around Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Of course, then I had to read 145 5-paragraph essays...but it was more or less worth it. My observations for this went really well, which was cause for celebration.
2) Quotes from my students-
Anything to do with the first day of reading "A Modest Proposal." Watching their faces at they slowly figured out that Jonathan Swift was telling the Irish to eat babies was priceless.
As we're discussing the Holocaust and specifically some experiments that went on at Auschwitz we talked briefly about castration. Student response to finding out what castration was: "Wait...You can live like that?!"
We watched an episode of Oprah where she and Elie Wiesel were touring Auschwitz. As we're reading Night the next day one of my students stops me before I can start and says "Ms. Coburn, I really wish we hadn't watched that video." "Why is that?" "Because it ruined the book for me. I really wanted to know if Elie survived the concentration camp." Brief pause as I stand there in disbelief "He wrote the book we're reading..."
3) My experience at the bank this past weekend where the teller automatically assumed that Dave was my 14 year old son... You can laught, it's ok I do.
4) Finding and finally settling on a wedding venue and a cake person. It totally takes a load off my mind. Plus I got to spend a whole afternoon eating cake and really, what could be better than that?

All right then

So after that last outburst on here, imagine my shock when I heard about this case.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Education/2011/0217/Natalie-Munroe-calls-out-whiny-kids-Do-teacher-blogs-help-or-hurt-schools

Great...

My personal belief is this is a free speech issue. If a particular student is allowed to comment on a public Facebook page that their teacher is a "fat ass" and allowed to call in the ACLU because they were suspended for it (true case, look it up) or just look at the Fayette Co. Facebook page and all the crap posted on there, then I believe Ms. Munroe here deserves the same treatment. Yes, "teachers are held to a higher standard" I hear it everywhere, I've even said it myself, but dear goodness she has a point. Yes she was harsh, yes the language she used is "unprofessional," but I believe in those negative comments she was 1. venting about a particularly bad day and 2. telling it like it is. Anyone who believes that all students, especially high schoolers, are sweet, innocent, loving, hard-working mature young adults is naive. There are some, but they are the smallest of small minorities. High school wasn't that long ago for me and I would love to catergorize myself in there, but I was (and still am to some extent) rude, disrespectful, and annoying to my teachers especially if I didn't care or didn't like them. It's just how it goes.
I'm bothered by the super strong negative reactions to this story. Not because I don't agree with those comments, but because the people writing those comments seem so unaware of how difficult it is to be a teacher of any age group. I've known people who pick Education because it's an "easy major" and then the actually get into the schools and are apalled by what they see and hear. I don't enjoy the romanticized view of teachers or of student/teens and I fully support Ms. Munroe in her decisions to both post her honest comments and to be unapologetic about the situation as a whole.

Megan's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad... umm... while?

Honestly as I type this, I'm angry. I'm mad that it took my freakin' computer almost 10 minutes to unfreeze from whatever coma it stumbled into this time, but that's standard procedure and just irks me when it happens.
As for what I'm currently stewing on, the list is as follows. I'm beginning to hate student teaching, not because of the actual teaching or students. I'm still upset about my "conference" after my first lesson. I'm frustrated that it seems like my teacher won't let me take control and therefore reports me as nervous in the classroom (a stigma that I've been battling since my first failure in Junior year). I'm irritated that I drive to Wilmore every 2 weeks for "necessary" student-teacher training but that it takes me out of the last 15-30 minutes of a class that I'm teaching.  I'm mad that every one of my "friends" forgot my birthday. I'm more upset that I got half-assed excuses why they "forgot" (read: ignored) my birthday. I know I turned 22...but still, no one likes to be forgotten.
In addition to all this we'll add any family issue that comes up that I worry about (because that's part of my nature, I had stomach ulcers in 1st grade...true story) and we'll add the stress of maintaining a stable relationship and planning a wedding on top of the rest.
All in all I'm seeing a serious recipe for disaster. (and it took me like 4 tries to spell recipe)
I want to quit. I'm done. I'm sick of jumping through hoops to fulfill a pointless requirement (like logging my time in 15 minute increments...like I honestly check the exact time that I switch between tasks and let's not forget multi-tasking) or trying to please people who already have a fixed bad impression of me that leaves no room for grace. I'm tired of trying to maintain friendships where I do all the work.
I'm in a bad mood, I don't care who knows it, and I have no solutions to fix anything except pray that time heals it all.

They say it's your Birthday...

Well, loyal followers, it's my birthday too. And I am, of course, at school. From school, I'll go to church to enjoy a Wednesday night dinner of various pastas by Chef Wayne, listen to my dad talk about a "hot button" issue that people refuse to approach any differently than they always have, then I'll go home and probably go to bed. Woohoo. I got a snow day yesterday, there's potentially one looming for tomorrow, but today is a school day and running the same as always.
I need glitter...and a tiara. For reals yo. This day needs to have something shiny to it. I can't be the only one chilling here bottling up the specialness. It's my birthday and everyone has to celebrate with me. We need an all day moving party. Guess I'll make up for it by being extra exuberant in my teaching today.

Ok

All right. Monday was a bad day. After I cracked down on my 6th hour and took a much tougher stance with all the behavior issues, this whole week has been better.
In fact, I took control of 2nd hour today unexpectedly when Mrs. F had to stay in a meeting and things went really well. I lost any of my "friends" in there and made some immediate "enemies" when they learned that I won't be pushed around and I know what I'm doing. I'm beginning to think and act like a teacher. I'm so used to students just being nice because I'm there, but now I'm get to deal with the real attitude. Multiple students in my 6th hour wandered in today telling me it was their favorite class. I don't care if they were just saying it to say it, I felt so much more fantastic.
Just wanted to clear up any concern created by my rather discouraged/frustrated post on Monday. Wish me luck on my first official lesson plan created teaching day where I'll be teaching all classes all day.

January is finished

I got 6 days in this month, out of a possible 10. Brilliant. But for reals, this is really hard. It's not like I haven't been in a classroom before or worked with students before, but it's just so different. It's a lot less "Hey guys, a random stranger will be chilling in here for like 2 weeks" and more like "Your personal punching bag will be chilling in here and desperately seeking to teach you something that you don't want to learn much less care about for the next 3 months. Enjoy!" Ok, I know it's not really like that, but still. I don't think I've come across a tougher batch of students to deal with. It feels like it's a daily fight to get them to listen or to stop talking long enough for me to impart some information. I don't want to sound like a super emo kid here, but it's just a rough time trying to assert my authority. 
Admittedly it is getting better. Today, according to Mrs. F, went really well. Of course I felt like the meanest creature on the planet and was really only acting that way because I was fed up with the way they were acting/treating me. So tomorrow, I'm just gonna stand up in front of 4th and 6th hour with a kick butt attitude and they can freakin' deal with it. Gosh darn it, I'm in charge here and I demand to be listened to. And if they don't like it, tough. (At least this is the pep talk I'll be running through between 3rd and 4th period.)
Don't get me wrong, I do care about them. Even my students that are failing so hard that they won't pass no matter what. I still want all of them to do well, but they need to stop trampling me so I can help. And also, it's not all the students that act like that. It's just pockets here and there. I really do have some fantastic students who are so smart, creative, and insightful. I just need to focus on them more and on my issues less.
/sigh

Thanks for being patient listening ears all my followers.

Snow days...

need to end. I'm under my limit of teaching days already and it's only the 2nd week. And here I was looking forward to a semblance of spring break. Oh well. Cross your fingers for school tomorrow (and the rest of the month at least).
Oh, also, I know it's a little late but I think I just made a New Year's resolution. I'm vowing to get in shape. I'm only 21, but my body sucks. (Plus dress fittings start soon, but that's not the whole reason behind this.) So, I'm going to do as much Zumba as possible, which will hopefully get me in shape enough to start running. I've always wanted to be able to run (all my running friends say it's awesome), but my weak little baby lungs won't support it. Here's hoping.
Please don't confront me about self-esteem issues. My esteem is fine; I'm actually rather arrogant (and proud of it). I just would like to physically feel better about myself and blow off some accumulating stress.
Each post is starting to take on a personality of its own. Last time it was quotation marks, this time it's parentheses. Will it ever stop?