In the immortal words of Strongbad, "It's over!"

This is it. The final countdown (yes, it's intentional). I'm on my second to last day in this classroom and, truthfully, it's entirely perfunctory. Mrs. F gave me a grade, I turned in all my evaluations, my Taskstream portfolio is graded, my Gate 4 interview is over, so I'm just here to be here now.
Not that I don't absolutely love it and I'm not having the best time in the world. I am going to miss my students like crazy. All of them. Even the ones that drive me insane on a daily basis (and if you're one of my students stumbling across this, you know who you are). (Apparently, this is a parentheses day.) In all seriousness, I am legit having the best day ever today. Granted I haven't taught yet...but I'm just having fun with today. I feel like this is the first time I can relax and just be in the classroom. No evaluations, no judging who I am or how I am in the classroom, no paperwork. I can be totally myself in the classroom today. It probably won't translate any differently than how I normally am, but I know the difference.

So this is really the end. I'll probably keep up this blog for diary keeping purposes, but I'm now standing on the precipice of the gaping void that is the rest of my life. May 8th is a scary day filled with a nearly blank slate so I can begin writing my new life and be a grown-up in the real world...

Heaven help me.

It's the beginning of the end

I am in total, complete count down mode. I know this would upset Dr. Strait because he'd tell me I'm wishing away time, but still. I have 5 school days left of student teaching, 10 days til graduation, today is my Gate 4 interview, my portfolio is finished, and I'm getting married in 2 months. And as exciting and awesome as all this is, I have an ever growing ball of anxiety threatening to eat me alive.
I DON'T HAVE A JOB nor do I have an interview. I've applied at multiple schools, my classmates are getting interviews, the time frame is running out, and all I've gotten are polite emails saying they're considering all their options. Heck, I didn't even get an email back from the school I really want to work at in spite of the 24 hour mandatory response period at Fayette County.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm doing anything right at all. People keep telling me (especially my classmates who are being interviewed) that "He has a plan for me" and "He will get me through this on His power." As much as I hate to say it, He needs to hurry up. I know that's rude and I shouldn't get upset with God about this, but if there's some master plan for my life, I'd love to know at least a small part of it now. I know I'm meant to go to Haiti...some time, but until then what do I do with my life? I've spent four years on a teaching degree only to find out that no one wants English teachers and they're not too happy with ESL teachers either, despite telling me that it's a "shortage" area. I'm going crazy here. Add that to the never ending demands that come with student teaching, trying to get any details in order for my wedding, finishing my registry, finding a job after graduation...I'm gonna drop dead from stress at this point. Poor Dave, he's putting up with so much crazy right now.

April

I have 16 school days left of student teaching. At least 2 of those (potentially 4) are taken up with KCCT testing and the last 5 are kind of unofficial since I'll have done all my Gate stuff by then. I currently have a DVD of me teaching due next week and all my portfolio stuff is due on the 23rd by midnight. Then I'll have a stressful sort of interview on the 27th and then student teaching is basically over. It's such a strange feeling. I really don't feel like I've been here that long, nor do I feel like I should be this old.
In addition to student teaching/college wrapping up (an idea I still can't get my head around) my wedding is coming up...rather quickly. I'm really, really, really enjoying the fact that my reception is in a barn. It makes everything awesome for some reason. It's totally dictated the mood and my mental image of the whole thing. It's like knowing that this barn is there, I suddenly get a picture of how everything else needs to be, like invitations, food, decorations, and music. As much as I've wanted to run away and get married, I'm almost enjoying planning everything out and mentally nesting my future home. No one is allowed to tell Dave this. It's just our little secret...unless Dave gets on here and reads it himself, then the secret is out.
On the job front...there isn't one yet. I just finished my application to Scott County this morning, sent in a substitute application for Franklin Co. yesterday, applied to Clark Co. a couple months ago, and applied for two positions in Fayette Co. a while back as well. So, thus far that's 4 teaching applications and 1 application for a job period. I've got another one for a private Christian school in Lawrenceburg that I'll work on today. *sigh* Now Jefferson Co., if I could move there, has 19 high school English positions open and just about as many ESL jobs. Unfortunately, I'm tethered here for now. I just need a job, period, and I'm starting to panic a little, just one of those in-the-back-of-my-mind panics. Hopefully schools start posting jobs soon.

Here it goes again...

So...it's been more than a month since I've been on here? That seems unreal. Time keeps passing in weird increments. Like each day feels jam packed and painstakingly slow, but one day I wake up and it's the weekend already. And thus the end of student teaching, graduation, and my wedding are that much closer. It's weird. Everything for student teaching is due in a month, graduation is like 2 weeks after that, and I'm getting married in 3 months. Goodness.
Well, since I've been neglectful let me record some of my favorite memories so far:
1) Solo week- This was a great  experience. I taught "A Modest Proposal" and created an essay prompt centered around Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Of course, then I had to read 145 5-paragraph essays...but it was more or less worth it. My observations for this went really well, which was cause for celebration.
2) Quotes from my students-
Anything to do with the first day of reading "A Modest Proposal." Watching their faces at they slowly figured out that Jonathan Swift was telling the Irish to eat babies was priceless.
As we're discussing the Holocaust and specifically some experiments that went on at Auschwitz we talked briefly about castration. Student response to finding out what castration was: "Wait...You can live like that?!"
We watched an episode of Oprah where she and Elie Wiesel were touring Auschwitz. As we're reading Night the next day one of my students stops me before I can start and says "Ms. Coburn, I really wish we hadn't watched that video." "Why is that?" "Because it ruined the book for me. I really wanted to know if Elie survived the concentration camp." Brief pause as I stand there in disbelief "He wrote the book we're reading..."
3) My experience at the bank this past weekend where the teller automatically assumed that Dave was my 14 year old son... You can laught, it's ok I do.
4) Finding and finally settling on a wedding venue and a cake person. It totally takes a load off my mind. Plus I got to spend a whole afternoon eating cake and really, what could be better than that?

All right then

So after that last outburst on here, imagine my shock when I heard about this case.

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Education/2011/0217/Natalie-Munroe-calls-out-whiny-kids-Do-teacher-blogs-help-or-hurt-schools

Great...

My personal belief is this is a free speech issue. If a particular student is allowed to comment on a public Facebook page that their teacher is a "fat ass" and allowed to call in the ACLU because they were suspended for it (true case, look it up) or just look at the Fayette Co. Facebook page and all the crap posted on there, then I believe Ms. Munroe here deserves the same treatment. Yes, "teachers are held to a higher standard" I hear it everywhere, I've even said it myself, but dear goodness she has a point. Yes she was harsh, yes the language she used is "unprofessional," but I believe in those negative comments she was 1. venting about a particularly bad day and 2. telling it like it is. Anyone who believes that all students, especially high schoolers, are sweet, innocent, loving, hard-working mature young adults is naive. There are some, but they are the smallest of small minorities. High school wasn't that long ago for me and I would love to catergorize myself in there, but I was (and still am to some extent) rude, disrespectful, and annoying to my teachers especially if I didn't care or didn't like them. It's just how it goes.
I'm bothered by the super strong negative reactions to this story. Not because I don't agree with those comments, but because the people writing those comments seem so unaware of how difficult it is to be a teacher of any age group. I've known people who pick Education because it's an "easy major" and then the actually get into the schools and are apalled by what they see and hear. I don't enjoy the romanticized view of teachers or of student/teens and I fully support Ms. Munroe in her decisions to both post her honest comments and to be unapologetic about the situation as a whole.

Megan's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad... umm... while?

Honestly as I type this, I'm angry. I'm mad that it took my freakin' computer almost 10 minutes to unfreeze from whatever coma it stumbled into this time, but that's standard procedure and just irks me when it happens.
As for what I'm currently stewing on, the list is as follows. I'm beginning to hate student teaching, not because of the actual teaching or students. I'm still upset about my "conference" after my first lesson. I'm frustrated that it seems like my teacher won't let me take control and therefore reports me as nervous in the classroom (a stigma that I've been battling since my first failure in Junior year). I'm irritated that I drive to Wilmore every 2 weeks for "necessary" student-teacher training but that it takes me out of the last 15-30 minutes of a class that I'm teaching.  I'm mad that every one of my "friends" forgot my birthday. I'm more upset that I got half-assed excuses why they "forgot" (read: ignored) my birthday. I know I turned 22...but still, no one likes to be forgotten.
In addition to all this we'll add any family issue that comes up that I worry about (because that's part of my nature, I had stomach ulcers in 1st grade...true story) and we'll add the stress of maintaining a stable relationship and planning a wedding on top of the rest.
All in all I'm seeing a serious recipe for disaster. (and it took me like 4 tries to spell recipe)
I want to quit. I'm done. I'm sick of jumping through hoops to fulfill a pointless requirement (like logging my time in 15 minute increments...like I honestly check the exact time that I switch between tasks and let's not forget multi-tasking) or trying to please people who already have a fixed bad impression of me that leaves no room for grace. I'm tired of trying to maintain friendships where I do all the work.
I'm in a bad mood, I don't care who knows it, and I have no solutions to fix anything except pray that time heals it all.

They say it's your Birthday...

Well, loyal followers, it's my birthday too. And I am, of course, at school. From school, I'll go to church to enjoy a Wednesday night dinner of various pastas by Chef Wayne, listen to my dad talk about a "hot button" issue that people refuse to approach any differently than they always have, then I'll go home and probably go to bed. Woohoo. I got a snow day yesterday, there's potentially one looming for tomorrow, but today is a school day and running the same as always.
I need glitter...and a tiara. For reals yo. This day needs to have something shiny to it. I can't be the only one chilling here bottling up the specialness. It's my birthday and everyone has to celebrate with me. We need an all day moving party. Guess I'll make up for it by being extra exuberant in my teaching today.

Ok

All right. Monday was a bad day. After I cracked down on my 6th hour and took a much tougher stance with all the behavior issues, this whole week has been better.
In fact, I took control of 2nd hour today unexpectedly when Mrs. F had to stay in a meeting and things went really well. I lost any of my "friends" in there and made some immediate "enemies" when they learned that I won't be pushed around and I know what I'm doing. I'm beginning to think and act like a teacher. I'm so used to students just being nice because I'm there, but now I'm get to deal with the real attitude. Multiple students in my 6th hour wandered in today telling me it was their favorite class. I don't care if they were just saying it to say it, I felt so much more fantastic.
Just wanted to clear up any concern created by my rather discouraged/frustrated post on Monday. Wish me luck on my first official lesson plan created teaching day where I'll be teaching all classes all day.

January is finished

I got 6 days in this month, out of a possible 10. Brilliant. But for reals, this is really hard. It's not like I haven't been in a classroom before or worked with students before, but it's just so different. It's a lot less "Hey guys, a random stranger will be chilling in here for like 2 weeks" and more like "Your personal punching bag will be chilling in here and desperately seeking to teach you something that you don't want to learn much less care about for the next 3 months. Enjoy!" Ok, I know it's not really like that, but still. I don't think I've come across a tougher batch of students to deal with. It feels like it's a daily fight to get them to listen or to stop talking long enough for me to impart some information. I don't want to sound like a super emo kid here, but it's just a rough time trying to assert my authority. 
Admittedly it is getting better. Today, according to Mrs. F, went really well. Of course I felt like the meanest creature on the planet and was really only acting that way because I was fed up with the way they were acting/treating me. So tomorrow, I'm just gonna stand up in front of 4th and 6th hour with a kick butt attitude and they can freakin' deal with it. Gosh darn it, I'm in charge here and I demand to be listened to. And if they don't like it, tough. (At least this is the pep talk I'll be running through between 3rd and 4th period.)
Don't get me wrong, I do care about them. Even my students that are failing so hard that they won't pass no matter what. I still want all of them to do well, but they need to stop trampling me so I can help. And also, it's not all the students that act like that. It's just pockets here and there. I really do have some fantastic students who are so smart, creative, and insightful. I just need to focus on them more and on my issues less.
/sigh

Thanks for being patient listening ears all my followers.

Snow days...

need to end. I'm under my limit of teaching days already and it's only the 2nd week. And here I was looking forward to a semblance of spring break. Oh well. Cross your fingers for school tomorrow (and the rest of the month at least).
Oh, also, I know it's a little late but I think I just made a New Year's resolution. I'm vowing to get in shape. I'm only 21, but my body sucks. (Plus dress fittings start soon, but that's not the whole reason behind this.) So, I'm going to do as much Zumba as possible, which will hopefully get me in shape enough to start running. I've always wanted to be able to run (all my running friends say it's awesome), but my weak little baby lungs won't support it. Here's hoping.
Please don't confront me about self-esteem issues. My esteem is fine; I'm actually rather arrogant (and proud of it). I just would like to physically feel better about myself and blow off some accumulating stress.
Each post is starting to take on a personality of its own. Last time it was quotation marks, this time it's parentheses. Will it ever stop?

Insert exasperation HERE

Well, it's finished- Boot Camp, my own personal, week long trip to the circle of hell Dante forgot. My classmates may not have the same opinion of this "journey" that I did, but honestly by Wednesday (aka Day 3) I was fed up and done with the whole process. I know it was an important rite of passage and a lot of the information was stuff I didn't know because it was on a need to know basis, like the legality of food in your classroom or specifically what you do when your student...fill in the blank. I feel though that the exam, which was the same pre-test I took Monday, was kind of bogus. I don't feel it accurately assessed anything I got out of the week and being spoon fed answers the day before made me feel like I hadn't learned anything after all. We've been taught to help our students when they don't know something not give them the answers, so this whole thing just seemed pointless and hypocritical to me. Maybe I'm cynical, but honestly I'm not going to remember any of the law cases we learned or the 3 steps to building/rebuilding a student/relationship/something...see, I don't even remember the basis for the info I "learned."
Whatever. The most important thing is that I get a 90% or above to show that I "understand" and "learned" and can therefore be allowed in a classroom because a percentage score shows my aptitude to be in a classroom as a teacher. Just like the number of words/paragraphs in my philosophy of education is more important than the content.
Just please, for the love of mercy, let me in the classroom now.
PS- I apologize for my whiny attitude. I would like this to be an accurate reflection of my thoughts and feelings as I attempt to complete my final semester in college, prepare to enter the real world, and get married. 
PPS- I'm super excited to start student teaching on Tuesday!!! :)
PPPS- Sorry for the super amount of quotation marks in this post. 

What what what are you doing?

Not that it carries any meaning in my life, but they changed the Zodiac signs to add a 13th one. I don't like this. They took my squiggle lines of Aquarius away from me and made me a sea goat. You know the one. That creepy thing that sings to Charlie the Unicorn in the 3rd "episode"... yeah, that's me now. According to Wikipedia (which is sooooo reliable) Capricorn is the sign of the introvert. Shows what you know stars. :P
On the other hand, I have immensely enjoyed informing people of this new change. I have probably enjoyed it much more than I should and certainly much more than is decent or should be allowed. It's been a fun 5 minutes receiving texts and posts saying "Really?" like it's the end of the world or something. That's not until 2012 folks, you can relax. Jk, I don't believe in that either. Anyone remember when people were like "2000 is the end of the world!!"? Yeah, I do too. 
I'm rambling.
Back to the point. The Babylonians kicked Ophiuchus out of astrology for a reason. Not because they didn't like him, but because the Zodiac is a time keeping mechanism and it just didn't make sense in their counting system (which is based on 60) to have 13 hours or 13 months. Adding him back in is like kicking history in the face. Plus, who really wants to say "I was born under the sign of the snake charmer."? I wouldn't. Not anymore than I want to jokingly read a prediction about my life under the rule of a sea goat now.

Yesterday

I just need to pause for a moment to rave about dinner last night. Since I'm currently residing with the Julie-bean, we have been making dinner after I get out of Student Teaching Camp/back from studying for the Praxis on Saturday. The recipes come out of a Rachel Ray 30-minute cookbook and they're fantastic, even if Jules and I have to improvise because of the poor supplies at IGA or DG. Monday's dinner was Leek-y Chicken, but we lacked both leeks (which according to the title are essential) and the couscous bedding for the chicken. We made due with some saffron rice instead. 
Last night though! Oh my goodness! Spinach-Artichoke Pasta. If the Spinach-Artichoke dip at Applebee's (or anywhere else) is your main thing for appetizers, this recipe is for you. 
Combine about 1/2 a tablespoon of olive oil and 1 tbs of butter in a deep frying pan (or saucepan if you're me and Jules) and heat until butter is melted and hot
Add 3 chopped garlic cloves and one small grated onion to the pan and sautee for 5 minutes or so. (Julie and I used 2 small scoops of minced garlic from a jar that was hard to open) *If you don't like garlic and onion, I promise you can't taste it in the finished product
Add 2 tbs of flour and stir for a minute
Add 1 cup chicken broth and 1 cup cream (or half-and-half) 
Bring to a bubble
Then reduce heat to low
Add chopped artichoke hearts (we used a 7 oz can, the recipe called for 14 oz, couldn't tell the difference)
Add chopped spinach leaves (ours were also from a can, and tasty)
Add generous amount of cheese (recipe calls for grated Parmeasan, we used several handfuls of mozzerella and a bunch of Parmeasan)
Stir
Add cooked pasta of choice- We used Spinach Nests, which were awesome. The original calls for Tortellini, which sounds even more awesome just cause I'm a Tortellini fan. 


This was seriously one of the most awesome things I've made/eaten in a long time. 
Hope you enjoy.

Is this real life?

Day 2 of "Boot Camp." All 39 of us were to go flooding into the schools as quivering masses of excitement to start getting to know the schools, teacher, students, and the classroom environment. But...it snowed. So, now we have our first snow day, a few hours of free time before our heads are crammed with information again, and I personally have a few unanswered questions for my cooperating teacher. (For instance, do you really know what you're getting into?)
Let's back up and document yesterday really quick in list format:
- I'm informed I'm no longer a student 
- I get a job offer from the school I'm student teaching in and have to decline
- I'm stuck in a really hot room for 8 hours while an overwhelming amount of information is repeatedly stuffed into my skull 
- I'm given an 81/2"x 11" piece of paper that summarizes everything I was told in a succinct, easy to understand way, but at the end of the day so I've been fruitlessly worrying about nothing
- I made dinner with Julie...which was slightly disastrous, but tasty
 All in all a stressful, decent day in the life of one Megan Coburn. 
It's weird being on campus too. It's like a sneak peak into the life of what the world will be like when I graduate. I technically don't live here anymore, so it's like I'm a ghost in the dorm. The world has gone on in my absence (obviously...I'm not that self-centered), but it's strange being here while it does. 
Well, on to "real life" once more. Studying for a Praxis exam and keeping up with student teacher stuff.